Term 4 Written Language

WALT write a character description of a person we know very well.

We know we have achieved this when we …

-    have written about the person’s physical appearance (the way they look).

-    have written about the person’s behaviour (how they speak or act).

-    have written about how they affect other people (what do they do to make you notice them).

-    have written about the person’s environment and belongings.

-    used descriptive words to make a picture in the mind of the reader

My Dad by Summer Kiddey

My Dad’s name is Scott. He is tall. He normally wears shorts and jandals. He makes me laugh. My dad’s eyes are like water. He has brown hair and he forgets things. My dad is funny, because he tells me jokes but mostly he builds things. He makes me laugh and smile and sometimes confused. He spends time with mum but he sneaks to the lounge and eats chocolate and watches movies with mum too. He goes duck shooting. He has a brown house and a vegetable garden. He owns guns and knives and four chainsaws and two sheds – one with junk in it, and one with tools and bottles of spray paint. The reason he has these it is because he wants to protect me and Mum and Jack.

Feedback:

Wow I have rather a good picture of your dad in my mind. You have tried hard to use some adjectives (describing words). You have used a good mixture of long and short sentences.

Next steps:

1.    Try to begin your sentences with different words, not always “He”.

2.   Add a little more detail. You said “His eyes are like water.” Did you mean they were as blue as water? You could have used a simile.

3.   Try to join some of your shorter sentences together to link what he looks like.